if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Pooping to opera.
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