Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
