can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
