Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
