I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
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