TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
