Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
