y did u give ur computer a hand job?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The struggles of a small town man whore
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
