hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
