New invention idea: vibrating tampons
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
