I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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