He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
