I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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