just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
