you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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