so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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