No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
