we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
