you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
