I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
pray to the hookup gods
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
