a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
