Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This is my gift to your gina
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
