ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
