So drunk its hurt
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You're like the curious george of whores
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
