I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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