I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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