i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i out mim tonsoeep
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
