So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
