oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
