I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
