Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
