I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
