your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
