So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
