Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
