Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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