I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
