you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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