if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
