and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she peed on how many people?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
