Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
