when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
