Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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