Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
