I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
