Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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