There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
