She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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