I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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