your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
