i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How drunk are you?
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