WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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