dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
